So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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