Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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