I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
