In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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