this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Welp...herpes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
