i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
