I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
