you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Kiss
Puke
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
