We named our party play list daddy issues
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
