apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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