So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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