I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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