Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
