Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
