the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
