A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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