Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize