Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
