i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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