using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize