I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize