I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize