I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
