You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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