i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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