"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
