I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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