I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
