yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
