Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
