If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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