How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
