census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We just shotgunned beers for America
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
