can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
