RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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