And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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