This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
4 words: hood of his car
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
