she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
