They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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