The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
