He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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