Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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