Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
