normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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