you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
