Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
