i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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