Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
