I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
His hands were made for my vagina.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
