I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
