Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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