If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
