Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
