btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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