Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it because I queefed?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize