Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
