I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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