Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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