24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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