True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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