like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
