Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
