Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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