No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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