This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
