I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
