Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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