State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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