3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize