I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
