mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
