Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
