His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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