i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
